Helping Siblings Cope with Your Child's Surgery

How will siblings react?

These are common feelings that siblings may have when their brother or sister is having surgery:

• Fear that their brother or sister is very sick and may not come home from the hospital.

• Fear that no one will be around to take care of them when parents are with their brother or sister.

• Jealousy that their brother or sister gets more care and attention than they do.

• Guilt that they are jealous or thinking bad thoughts about their brother or sister.

• Guilt that they are well, and their brother or sister is sick.

How can you help siblings cope with surgery?

Here are some ways to help siblings cope with surgery:

• Keep your emotions under control. Your children can sense how you’re feeling. If you’re upset, your children may respond in a similar way. Try to stay calm and relaxed.

• Explain to siblings why their brother or sister needs surgery. Let them ask questions, and answer their questions truthfully.

• Encourage siblings to talk about how they’re feeling.

• If possible, spend time with siblings apart from their brother or sister to reassure them that you care.

• Keep routines at home and school as normal as possible. Be specific with siblings about who will take care of their needs when you’re at the hospital. For instance, a relative may drive them to school and make them dinner.

• Let siblings visit their brother or sister in the hospital.

• Have siblings write cards, send email, or phone their brother or sister in the hospital if visits are not possible.

Child life specialist

Many hospitals have a child life specialist. This person is specially trained to help children understand and cope with their hospital experience. Families can arrange to see a child life specialist when their child is scheduled for surgery. The child life specialist uses age-appropriate items, such as books, dolls, and toy medical or hospital equipment to explain surgery. It's helpful for parents and siblings to be part of these sessions.